Mass Effect 3: Metacritic’s Least Helpful User Reviews

After years of anticipation, players who have been following Commander Shepard since 2007 are finally able to see the conclusion to his/her story arc in Mass Effect 3. Certainly, Mass Effect 1 & 2 are amazing games, so it’s hard not to imagine that the third installment might not live up to everyone’s expectations. However, the actual backlash has been rather surprising. From complaints over the use of stock photos (which I actually think this is a pretty funny practical joke on BioWare’s part) to unhappiness expressed regarding romantic options, there seem to be no end to the hatred. Though a lot of complaints are valid criticism, such as issues with the game’s many glitches and the implementation of $10 Day-One DLC, a lot of them seem to just boil down to “the game didn’t end the way I wanted it to, video game journalism conspiracy 0/10.”

In honour of all this controversy, I’ve compiled some of the least helpful user reviews currently available for Mass Effect 3 on Metacritic. Enjoy!

*There are slight spoilers, so if you want to be completely in the dark, tread lightly.

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Some people say “it’s not the destination, but the journey” that matters.

Uh, what?

Overlooked downsides aside, they liked everything about this game except the ending. Clearly, it deserves a zero.

Heh, heh, “Mass of Dootie.”

Okay, that’s about 7 sentences into this review, so I’ll just cut it off here.

I have a sneaking suspicion that these reviews might be from the same person.

I don’t think I fully understand your apple metaphor.

Literally? Literally.

Oh really? ‘Cause see, I thought it was just some sci-fi shooter game. Thanks for the pro-tip.

Haha, what?

That’s horrible.

I can’t get past that first line, it’s just so poetic.

Metacritic user of the year, guys, right here — doesn’t even need to play a game to review it.

You spelled “amazon.com” wrong.

This is a disgusting sentiment.

Interesting and informative!

What!? This tells us nothing about the game itself. Clearly, this is the most unhelpful review on Metacritic! I think that’s quite enough of that. I hope you were all as enlightened and horrified by this experience as I was. Thank you for reading.

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